Leeds Church Group

Worship Resources

Heath and Safety


A sketch with two people. One is a Christian (C) going to communion, the other is a Health and Safety Inspector (I) who has come to inspect the communion service. The health and safety inspector decides communion is very dangerous. So is communion dangerous, is there a danger that it may change our lives?

C: Well I’m just off to communion.
I: I’m afraid you can’t go just yet. Under new regulations, I must first carry out a heath and safety review on any activity that could possibly be dangerous.
C: But I’ve been to communion hundreds of times, how can it be dangerous?
I: Just because you’ve been reckless in the past is no excuse to continue being reckless. Now what do you do at this communion?
C: Well we eat bread.
I: There you go, bread can be very dangerous for people with gluten allergies. I must insist that you issue a warning about gluten at each service, and have you checked the bread for peanut content?
C: How do I know, but I do know the wine doesn’t contain peanuts, that’s home made.
I: Home made !!! Another minefield. I hope it has been produced at a property that has a Food Hygiene certificate, otherwise I will have to close you down, who knows what you could be drinking. So how is this eating and drinking organised?
C:  Well we kneel in prayer first.
I: Another dangerous exercise, anyone could injure their back keep kneeling and getting up again. You must implement procedures to demonstrate the correct way to kneel to avoid injury. And then what?
C: We are served the bread and wine by a priest.
I: I assume to do this they wear an apron and suitable headgear and they are provided with antiseptic hand wash?
C: Next you’ll want them to wear a lifejacket in case the church is shipwrecked!
I: I don’t think you are taking me seriously, but now you mention it, you should have evacuation procedures in case of fire. When was the last time you had a fire practice at communion?
C: Not since the last time we had a preacher who could set us alight!
I: And what is the purpose of this communion?
C: We remember Jesus and promise to keep his commandments.
I: And are these commandments written down.
C: In the Bible, that’s a book with over a thousand pages.
I: You agree to the terms and conditions of an executed criminal that exceed 1000 pages. This is far more dangerous than I imagined, I must advise you not to take part in this dangerous activity, be very afraid.

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